Emotions.

I don't want them. I don't need them. I really hate them. I want to cry. I want to leave and never come back. I want to be done with everyone and everything. Its not save in my head its not safe in my heart and its not safe in me. Emotions are something I had never control well but lately everything is bad and I want to cry all the time but I am sick of it I am sick of being sad and crying all the dam time. I am sick of being so unstable and letting my emotions dictate my life. I want to leave and never come back I want to cry and never ever smile and cry  and cry and bye bye feelings. I am so broken that I don't want it anymore not the pain not even the happiness.... I don't want any emotions at all.

I will always have them.

Breathing

I need to keep my head high even if it is painful to do. I need to smile even if it brings tears to my eyes. I will be strong even if I become the person I hate the most. I will overcome my pain and I will always let myself be what I become. I will break my heart and let myself become the broken doll I try to hide. I will not hide it at all anymore. I will always smile and I will always be the beautiful girl I am inside even if I only despised myself for all the things and feelings that are in me. I will always be the one u was meant to be and even if I kill myself inside until there is no longer sight of who I used to be I will keep going and I will keep breathing. I will become stronger and I will write until my hands bleed. 

Love you, 

Elaine Nieves

Sometimes I Feel Like Life Hates Me!

I swear that life hates me a lot... I am broken hearted, betrayed, sad and reaching my braking point. I was really selfish and I got hurt a lot and hurt someone too and now I feel so guilty because I think my past is hunting me and coming up to get me.... Is sad that I try so hard and yet I am never good enough and yet when I think I am going forward with my head up high I crash back Dow and I can't seem to see how to get back up and keep going. I am strong but yet I feel week. I taught I was wrong but I wasn't and that's what hurts the most I want to run away and cry and never ever come back. See I feel like my smile has been erase my face and I am not ok I just want to cry.... Somehow, I can't seem to find myself and as horrible as it might have been I am starting to wish that I go back to the emotional/mental and physical pain from years before was upon me than this hell but I can't tell anyone anything not how I fully feel because even if I feel so hurt and betrayed I still want to protected those who hurt me even if it cause me the bit of sanity I have left. I am not in control I swears this year has been set up to destroy me. I want to go and get help but where can I go where can I find the help when I don't even know what's wrong I feel like god have deserted me and I don't know anymore. Who is I and who am I? Who am I becoming now....?

This is my little space in the world and here is where I can get naked and let my true skin be shown. Thanks for this space thank you for being my space!

Thanks to my faithful readers for listening err reading to my madness.

Love you,
Elaine Nieves