Emotions.

I don't want them. I don't need them. I really hate them. I want to cry. I want to leave and never come back. I want to be done with everyone and everything. Its not save in my head its not safe in my heart and its not safe in me. Emotions are something I had never control well but lately everything is bad and I want to cry all the time but I am sick of it I am sick of being sad and crying all the dam time. I am sick of being so unstable and letting my emotions dictate my life. I want to leave and never come back I want to cry and never ever smile and cry  and cry and bye bye feelings. I am so broken that I don't want it anymore not the pain not even the happiness.... I don't want any emotions at all.

I will always have them.

Breathing

I need to keep my head high even if it is painful to do. I need to smile even if it brings tears to my eyes. I will be strong even if I become the person I hate the most. I will overcome my pain and I will always let myself be what I become. I will break my heart and let myself become the broken doll I try to hide. I will not hide it at all anymore. I will always smile and I will always be the beautiful girl I am inside even if I only despised myself for all the things and feelings that are in me. I will always be the one u was meant to be and even if I kill myself inside until there is no longer sight of who I used to be I will keep going and I will keep breathing. I will become stronger and I will write until my hands bleed. 

Love you, 

Elaine Nieves

Sometimes I Feel Like Life Hates Me!

I swear that life hates me a lot... I am broken hearted, betrayed, sad and reaching my braking point. I was really selfish and I got hurt a lot and hurt someone too and now I feel so guilty because I think my past is hunting me and coming up to get me.... Is sad that I try so hard and yet I am never good enough and yet when I think I am going forward with my head up high I crash back Dow and I can't seem to see how to get back up and keep going. I am strong but yet I feel week. I taught I was wrong but I wasn't and that's what hurts the most I want to run away and cry and never ever come back. See I feel like my smile has been erase my face and I am not ok I just want to cry.... Somehow, I can't seem to find myself and as horrible as it might have been I am starting to wish that I go back to the emotional/mental and physical pain from years before was upon me than this hell but I can't tell anyone anything not how I fully feel because even if I feel so hurt and betrayed I still want to protected those who hurt me even if it cause me the bit of sanity I have left. I am not in control I swears this year has been set up to destroy me. I want to go and get help but where can I go where can I find the help when I don't even know what's wrong I feel like god have deserted me and I don't know anymore. Who is I and who am I? Who am I becoming now....?

This is my little space in the world and here is where I can get naked and let my true skin be shown. Thanks for this space thank you for being my space!

Thanks to my faithful readers for listening err reading to my madness.

Love you,
Elaine Nieves

Overwhelmed!

So this past few weeks it have been so overwhelming. College its hard, family issues stress me to no end, liking someone I am not sure I should even like even though he one of the best boyfriend materials guy I have in my close group of friends. Yep stress to no end. I just hope I can get back to righting soon.

Love you,
Elaine Nieves

Put the Sucky on the Suck!

Life sucks so much... When your best friend stabs you on the back for the first time and it brake you until you can go on and a friendship is over but when your best friend that is like your sister your lover, your all and is the one person that against you gut and your premonitions you trust and believe that it will never ever betray you and dates the person you been liking for a while it hurts but trying not to give up in that friendship its more painful. If I lose one best friend for a guy and then if your best friend steals your crush and stabs you on the back and when the one person you believe it won't ever hurt you that way dose.... One is my fault, two is my bad luck but the third time is that life really hates me and I shouldn't even try at this point.... I had a great friendship broken for someone that wasn't worth it and now I have someone I used to know. Then I have a sister someone I love and care and now I have someone that hates me. Lastly I had a great best friend and now I don't even know anymore....

I chose to give up once for her because she matter enough the other one I embrace it but now.... I can't deal with it not anymore....

I want to leave and never come back and I want to never have feelings ever ever again....

-Elaine.

New Cellphone, New Stage in Life, New Blogging Experience!

Hello it's been a while my black birds! I got some small news. So I am entering a new stage in life. I just started college again a few weeks a go and I am starting in a new major and my life is quickly changing in a new direction. So now things are changing and life is ok, not to good not to bad, it's life and is full of challenges but I'm ready for them. At the moment I am currently not writing any stories or working on any projects because I am working on perfecting my writing skills and getting better at it. I am also working on becoming faster and better at typing so I am taking a typing class (the first of some I will be taking to become a better writer) and for this reason I am taking a brake until winter break to work on my writing. But just because I'm taking a break doesn't mean I'm not writing down ideas as they come because I am writing them just on my journal. I am also thinking on starting a new project to empower girls and soon I'll be blogging about that in more details. And finally I'll be working on getting this blog more active since I have a new better cell phone where I can blog from. This will be all till next blog!

Love you,
Elaine Nieves

Weekly Goal!!!! LET'S DO IT!!!!

Well to all my faithful readers I am going to start blogging once again! I am making it a goal to at least once weekly blog about something so here I go. 

See sometimes life gets in the way and as for now I am single once more but not by choice so life sucks a lot for me right now but I still smile and laugh because I am just that sting even if I die everyday a bit more..... But none of this can be an excuse for not to blog! I am thanking a vacation from work concentrating on my finals and catching up with my projects. 

Now this weekly goal is something that might be hard but I love blogging and I need to work on it. If you are passionate about it you have to make sacrifices to make it work and that's what I am going to do. So my dear readers wish me luck!

With Love,
Elaine Nieves

When life happen:

So life have been happening for some time and well I can't say that I shouldn't have seen it coming because I should have. So many complications and good things have happen I have an amazing birthday last year on December 21st, Christmas was awesome and the holidays where busy. Sometime around New Year's Eve and New Year's things got a little rocky but then after college start again was when life got busy and complicated.... I got a job well more like made it official. Now between life, work, love, heart brakes, emotional break downs and school I couldn't get stuff done for myself. But when life was a "bitch" and when my feelings were about to erupt, in the middle of my class I began to write and this is how the beginning of a new project was born. Life isn't easy but if I can use my personal well mess up and hard daily life and mix it with my wonderful and creative imagination I can turn life from a horrible nightmare to a great YA Fantasy project! So this project is easy and I don't have to research foray things because is what I already have research in the past my imagination my experience and my everyday life. With all of this all I have to do is e myself and write how things are happening on my mind. I am extremely excited and happy about this project and the origins of it. This time my voice will be more than heard it will prevail.

With Love,
Elaine Nieves

New.

Pixies are my new inspiration along with life. I am really glad to say I am working on a new YA Fantasy project.

With Love,
Elaine Nieves